A fanfic by Jacy L. Theron

A shrill scream broke through the midday air. "Why me? Why do I never get a moments peace?" Hercules muttered aloud. He tossed down his half eaten sandwhich and trotted off in the direction of the scream.

A short, blonde haired figure was staring into a crystal clear pond. Hearing footsteps, this person turned around with a frightened expression, quickly crossing her arms over her chest.

"Herc I'm a woman!" She shrieked.

"Yes, I can see that," Hercules said, confused by this person's frustration.

"Herc it's me Iolaus!" she cried. Hercules stopped and looked at the frightened woman's face as she adjusted her open shirt to cover her chest.

"Oh my Iolaus it is you!" Hercules exclaimed taking his friend by the shoulders. "What happened?"

"I I don't know. I took a drink of water and and Herc, you've gotta help me!" Iolaus hissed.

"Well look on the bright side Iolaus at least you're a pretty woman," Hercules said. Iolaus glared daggers up at Hercules. "I don't know Iolaus. I've never heard of someone turning genders." Hercules explained, forcing a grin off of his face.

"There has to be someway to turn me back! I can't stay a woman for the rest of my life!" Iolaus yelled.

"Well you said you drank some of the water. Try drinking some more," Hercules suggested. Iolaus bent down and scooped up a handful of water, and drank it.

"Nothing happened" Iolaus growled.

"Hey, it was only a suggestion. Like I said, I don't know what to do!" Hercules apologized.

"Why does this stuff always happen to me? Why does it never happen to you, Mr. Perfect?," Iolaus grumbled.

"Iolaus, I'm not perfect," Hercules protested.

"Well I know you're not, but everyone else in Greece seems to think so," Iolaus argued.

"We need to go to town. Check around and see if anything like this has happened before," Hercules said ignoring Iolaus's complaining.

"Wait a minute. You can't just walk in there with me at your side asking 'Oh have you known any men that have turned into women lately?' I don't want anyone to know about this!" Iolaus said defensively.

"Then we'll ask different questions Iolaus. But first, we need to find you a dress" Hercules started.

"NO! I will not wear a dress!" Iolaus stated firmly.

"Come one Iolaus, almost all the women in Greece wear dresses," Hercules pointed out.

"I'm not a. that's not the point!" Iolaus stammered. "I'll just be one of the few that doesn't wear a dress."

"I thought you said you didn't want anyone figuring out what happened Iolaus. It would be kinda obvious if a short, blonde woman wearing Iolaus's clothes started traveling with me," Hercules pressed on.

"Then I'll get some new traveling clothes," Iolaus insisted stubbornly. "Are you calling me short?" Iolaus said as an after thought.

"Well, you are," Hercules said.

"Shut up!" Iolaus snapped.

"Come one Iolaus," Hercules said placing an arm around a pouting Iolaus and pulled him along towards the town.

***

"Hey there cutie!" A burly man said winking at Iolaus.

"Excuse you!" Iolaus bit out.

"How about a foot message sweetie?" the man said casting a leering look and wiggling his feet.

"Foot message, I'll cut your feet off!" Iolaus said reaching for his sword.

"Come along, hunny," Hercules said stopping him and dragging him away.

"Why'd you stop me, he deserved it!" Iolaus complained.

"Maybe so, but we need to keep a low profile until we get you some new clothes," Hercules explained.

"Then can I cut his feet off?" Iolaus asked excitedly. Hercules sighed and shook his head.

"Here we go," Hercules said pulling Iolaus in through a shop door.

"Can I help you?" a young lady asked walking up to them.

"Yes, my friend needs a dress," Hercules said quickly. Iolaus cast a "I'll get you for this!" look at Hercules as the girl pulled him into another room. Hercules chuckled to himself and sat down on a bench.

***

A little while later, Iolaus came out in a tight, blue, cotton top, short, black skirt, blue tights, colorful sash, and new, leather boots. Hercules chuckled and paid the lady for the clothes. The pair walked outside, Iolaus continuously fidgeting with the new clothes.

"You are having way too much fun with this!" Iolaus accused when Hercules started chuckling again.

"Yeah I really am," Hercules admitted.

"Well come on, buddy, let's see if we can find something out," Iolaus snapped and stalked off.

"Anything in particular you want me to call you?" Hercules asked taking two steps and catching up with Iolaus.

"I don't know. Anything but, sweetie, hunnybuch, or sugar!" Iolaus warned.

"Alright," Hercules laughed, "darling."


That night

"I can't believe it. I've never seen such a boring town! Nothing has happened here in years!" Iolaus wined as they walked into a tavern.

"Either that or the people here are hiding something," Hercules suggested.

"Yeah, that's it! They've all changed and their embarrassed about it too!" Iolaus said. "You're a woman aren't you?!" Iolaus accused an exiting drunk man. He just stared at Iolaus with dumb, bloodshot eyes.

"Iolaus, you're making a scene," Hercules whispered in his friend's ear.

"Well it's a good theory!" Iolaus said.

"Yes, but what if it's wrong?" Hercules noted.

"Fine, what do you suggest?" Iolaus asked. He started to cross his arms over his chest, but found his breasts got in the way, so he placed his hands on his hips.

"Patience Iolaus," Hercules said pulling him over to the bar.

"You just want to make fun of me for as long as you can!" Iolaus said.

"A bit, but I do want to help you. I also don't think that's going happen in one day," Hercules said.

"How about a drink?" A half drunken man offered holding a mug of ale out to Iolaus. Iolaus scowled at the man, yanked the drink out of his hand, and stalked over to a table. Hercules covered his mouth as he laughed and got his own drink.

"You should be a little more gracious you know," Hercules said. "They don't know you're not really a woman."

"I don't care!" Iolaus said taking a gulp of the liquid. He made a face and looked down at the brew. "This is strong."

"Deffinately not Greeces best" Hercules stated.

"What about the Gods. Could they know what's going on?" "Iolaus asked, "or even be behind it?"

"They probably know. A bit childish for them to have done though," Hercules pointed out.

"Well I would assume you'd get bored enough to do something childish after a few thousand years," Iolaus stated, taking another careful drink. He finally gave up and pushed the mug away

"Very true," Hercules agreed. "Iolaus?" Hercules asked as his friend stared off towards the bar.

"I would like your strongest drink," Hercules heard as he looked over. A tall, slender, oriental girl had attracted everyone's attention.

"Iolaus, close your mouth, you're drooling," Hercules said.

"She's beautiful!" Iolaus stated.

"Keyword at the moment, 'she'," Hercules pointed out. Iolaus groaned defeatedly and looked down at his drink. He paused and looked back up at Hercules, then at the girl.

"She's from the East Herc, buddy, go talk to her," Iolaus proposed.

"Why?" Hercules asked, confused.

"I have an idea, that's why," Iolaus said with a grin.

"Now I'm frightened," Hercules said as stood up. Iolaus grinned triumphantly and sat back to watch.

"Can I help you?" the girl asked turning around as Hercules approached.

"Just curious as to what brought you to this town," Hercules said sitting on a stool next to her.

"Perhaps, I like the ale," she said matter-of-factly.

"Hmm... No, that's deffinately not it!" Hercules said.

"Won't your girlfriend be jealous of you talking with me?" the girl asked.

"Oh, that's not my girlfriend, she's, my sister," Hercules covered.

"She looks nothing like you," the girl said.

"Half-sister," Hercules added. Aphrodite appeared just behind the girl with a shower of shimmery hearts.

"You called big bro?" she asked in her perky tone. Hercules rolled his eyes and ignored her.

"I see," the girl said.

"My name is"

"Hercules," the girl said with a grin. "I know who you are. I did not know that you had a sister that wasn't a Goddess."

"We're all ashamed of her," Hercules said nodding earnestly.

"Why is that?" the girl asked. Aphrodite cocked her head and looked over at where Iolaus was sitting.

"Curly!" Aphrodite cried walking over to him.

"Well, um, she's a prostitute," Hercules explained, watching Iolaus slam his head on the table as Aphrodite sat down.

"I see," the girl said, casting a weird look at Iolaus.

"So what's your name?" Hercules asked.

"My name is Megami-An," she said.

"What do you want Aphrodite?" Iolaus asked without looking up.

"What happened to you Curly?" she asked, sounding concerned.

"I don't know," Iolaus said. He looked up quickly and pointed at her. "I swear though if you tell anyone about this"

"Oh Curly, don't worry!" Aphrodite said waving away his threat. "I would never do that to you!"

"But I would," a hateful voice said from behind Iolaus.

"Do the two of you follow me around? Or is it my horrid luck that you just happen to be where ever I am?" Iolaus asked, not looking back at Discord.

"Must be your luck shorty," Discord said.

"Hey I'm taller than you are!" Iolaus snapped, turning around.

"Oh go look in a mirror and frighten yourself away would you?" Aphrodite said.

"It just so happens that I have some rumors to spread. Bye" Discord said winking at Iolaus and disappearing.

"Oh If she wasn't a Goddess I'd kill her!" Iolaus growled turning around to Aphrodite.

"I know what you mean! It seemed like she knew what happened to you though," Aphrodite said sourly. "Oh well, look Curly, I'll go see what I can do about shutting her up," Aphrodite said.

"Thank you," Iolaus said, almost relieved.

"Anytime Curly," Aphrodite said.

"Aphrodite, please don't call me that," he said. She grinned and vanished in her shimmering gold hearts.

"Well, if you thought she was looking for a date you're wrong," Hercules said, sitting back down at a table. "From the way she talked though she liked you more than me," Hercules grinned. Iolaus raised an annoyed eyebrow at Hercules.

"That's not what I was wondering. Remember when I went to the east?"

"Some what. You came back thinking you could beat me in a fight again," Hercules said.

"Well they have some really messed up curses over there. I think, if I'm not mistaken..."

"Now that wouldn't be a first would it?" Hercules cut in.

"...that one of the curses was the changing of sexes," Iolaus said ignoring the comment.

"And you just now happened to remember that?" Hercules asked.

"It's been a long time since I was there!" Iolaus said.

"And you think that just maybe this girl cursed the water?" Hercules asked.

"Yes!" Iolaus said.

"Just because she's from the east?" Hercules pressed.

"Do you have any better reasons as to why I turned into a woman?" Iolaus asked.

"Not at the moment," Hercules said. "Alright, let's assume you're right. She seems awfully knowledgeable of things here in Greece which means she's been here for a while. As far as we know this hasn't happened before, so you'd think if she had cursed the pond that there would be a lot of people running around acting a little worried."

"How about we go ask her?" Iolaus said.

"Be my guest, ladies first," Hercules said with a malicious grin.

"Ha ha," Iolaus said standing up.
From the far corner of the room a group of men started screaming at each other. One man picked up a mug of ale and smashed it over another's head. Before Hercules of Iolaus could blink the entire tavern was in a fight.

"I'm cursed!" Hercules said.

"No, I'm cursed. The gods just hate you," Iolaus said, ducking as a chair flew over his head.

"Well, we might as well stop this if we want to talk to our oriental friend," Hercules said shoving a man across the room.

"Oh goody, that means I get to let loose some of my frustration on these idiots," Iolaus said, kicking the man closest to him in the head and drawing his sword. Hercules shook his head, grabbed hold of two men by their collars, and smashed them into each other. He picked up another man by the feet and spun him around, knocking all the men around him out.

Iolaus jumped up on a chair as someone swung a table leg at him. He sliced the table leg in half and kicked the man in the face. The man next to him winked at him, and Iolaus punched him in the head.

It only took a few minutes before Hercules and Iolaus were the only people left standing in the tavern.

"There, now do you think you can learn to handle your disagreements by talking?" Hercules asked.

"I don't think any of them will be talking for an hour of two," Iolaus said.

"Good point, now let's" Hercules started. "She's gone."

"Oh great! This is your fault you know," Iolaus said.

"How is it my fault?" Hercules protested.

"Because you're here to blame! I don't know, trouble follows you. That's why it's your fault," Iolaus said.

"Hey," Hercules said leaning over the bar, looking for the cowering bar tender. "The oriental girl, how long has she been here?"

"For a week maybe?" the man stammered.

"Good, we'll take a couple rooms upstairs," Hercules said.

"We're not going to find her?" Iolaus asked.

"We can find her tomorrow. If she's been here this long, one more day won't make a difference," Hercules said.

"Oh of course not. Unless she probably suspects we're on to her!" Iolaus said.

"Iolaus, calm down, now let's go get some sleep. You'll feel better in the morning," Hercules said.

"When have I ever woken up the morning and felt better?" Iolaus asked following Hercules up the stairs.


The next morning

"Iolaus, oh Iolaus" Hercules called from the doorway. He walked in the room and shook Iolaus by the shoulder. "Iolaus! Hey shnookems," Hercules tried.

"Shut up!" Iolaus said taking a swing at Hercules.

"Come on, let's go see if we can find your Asian girl," Hercules said walking out of the room.

"Five more minutes" Iolaus said, yawning and rolling over.

"I'll send one of the men from the bar up here," Hercules said.

"You wouldn't," Iolaus asked.

"We'll see," Hercules said evilly.

"Okay, okay I'm up" Iolaus said dragging himself out of bed. "It's been so long since I've been in a bed instead of the ground and you force me to get up!" Iolaus grumbled as Hercules walked downstairs.

***

"It's about time you came down," Hercules said from his place at the bar. "I was about to send Rolo, over there, up to see you."

"Very funny," Iolaus said.

"Come on, I may know where to find this girl," Hercules said walking out.

"Hey Herc, you think when we get her to turn me back into a man she'll go out with me?" Iolaus asked.

"Probably not Iolaus," Hercules said.

"So where are we looking for her?" Iolaus asked.

"Well the bar tender said she's been staying with family at the edge of town. I figure we'll start there. If she's not there we'll get some answers from her family," Hercules said.

"Great, then I'll finally be turned back into a man," Iolaus said.

"I sure hope so. You complain even more now that you're a woman," Hercules said.

"I don't complain all the time," Iolaus said.

"True, just when you're awake," Hercules said.

"Where do you think you're going?" a young girl asked them.

"We're going to find Megami-An," Hercules said.

"Well I wouldn't go to her if I were you," the girl said to Iolaus.

"Why not?" Iolaus asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Because no woman that has gone to see her has returned," the girl said.

"I didn't think there were that many women in this town. See Herc, this just proves I'm right!" Iolaus said.

"No, it proves that there's been women disappearing," Hercules said.

"Now that is a crime," Iolaus said.

"You're an awfully strange woman," the girl said.

"So what? People have a right to be different! Who asked you?" Iolaus snapped.

"No one I just" the girl started.

"Don't worry about her," Hercules said leading the girl away. "PMS, you know." The girl nodded in understanding. "Thank you by the way,"

"You're welcome," the girl said.

"Now come on Iolaus," Hercules said.

"Wait, you heard what that girl said!" Iolaus argued.

"Yes, but you want to be turned back into a man don't you? And if you're right then you have to come with me," Hercules said.

"Alright but if she tries to kill me I'm pulling you in front of me!" Iolaus said.

"Fair enough, come on," Hercules said.

***

They reached an old shack on the outskirts of town just before noon. "Well, this is the place," Hercules said.

"Looks like she's been here a lot longer than a week," Iolaus said touching one of the shingles. It creaked and fell off it's hinge.

"Let's see if anyone's home," Hercules said as he knocked gently. The latch clicked and the door slid open.

"Hello?" Iolaus called nervously inside.

"Well, let's make ourselves at home, shall we?" Hercules said.

"After you," Iolaus said, motioning for Hercules to enter. Hercules rolled his eyes and walked in, Iolaus just behind him. The door slammed shut, causing them both to jump.

"How do they do that? Does the wind know when a person steps inside?" Iolaus asked.

"I don't know Iolaus." Hercules said.

"Welcome," a soft voice whispered in Iolaus's ear. He jumped and turned around, right hand on his sword.

"Ah, Megami. So nice to see you again," Hercules said.

"Isn't it though. I figured you had fallen into my, little trap," she said with a mischievous grin.

"I knew it was you!" Iolaus said. "I demand you turn me back!"

"I would rather have you as a snack," she hissed, eyes suddenly glowing.

"Well, sorry to cancel your dinner plans, but you're not eating my friend," Hercules said stepping in front of Iolaus.

"Fine, I won't turn you into a meal. But I can't turn you back," she said.

"Why not?" Iolaus demanded.

"Because I can't break the curse," she hissed.

"Alright, then what can," Hercules asked. Megami grinned, fangs barred.

"To break the curse, you must fall in love and get married. The vows of will break it," Megami said.

"I was married once, does that count?" Iolaus asked.

"No, it doesn't," Megami said.

"Well that shouldn't be too difficult though. I mean, who wouldn't fall in love with me?" Iolaus asked.

"Iolaus, with the curse making you a woman, it's a cache 22," Hercules said.

"That's right, if it's a man, you must swallow your pride, if a woman, well if I'm not mistaken, that's not largely accepted in this country, or am I wrong" Megami purred.

"Then I'll find a woman, tell her I'm really man and to turn me back we need to get married," Iolaus said with a triumphant grin.

"They cannot know," Megami said. "They must love you for who they think you are."

"And if they figure it out on their own?" Iolaus asked.

"That is fine, but they can not be told," Megami said.

"What if they knew me before hand and they recognize me, and they're still desperately in love with me?" Iolaus asked.

"If you think you know someone like that, be my guest," Megami said. "Now if you don't mind leaving before I change my mind about not turning you into a meal."

"Right, yeah," Hercules said, starting towards the door.

"By the way? What's with the gender bender thing anyway?" Iolaus asked.

"My kind only feeds on the female of your kind. We will get them anyway we can," she hissed.

"O-kay" Iolaus said following Hercules. They stepped outside and walked quickly back towards the city.

Out of no where Discord appeared in front of Megami. "It looks like their falling for your little plan," Megami said.

"I must thank you for your corporation and not eating muscle boy's little shadow," Discord said.

"I must thank you for your corporation and not eating muscle boy's little shadow," Discord said.

"Anything to torment a human," Megami grinned. Discord laughed and vanished.

"So Herc, buddy, wanna get married?" Iolaus asked.

"Not really," Hercules said.

"That's alright, I wouldn't marry you anyway. All muscle but no brain," Iolaus said with a laugh.

"Hey," Hercules said acting hurt. "Looks like we have to find someone to fall in love with you. I know who might be able to help, but I wouldn't trust her with something like this."

"Definitely NOT!" Iolaus said. "Although Megami said I just had to get married. She didn't say anything else was involved."

"Except that whole love part of course," Hercules said.

"Yeah well that too," Iolaus said. "But who needs fall in love to get married? Why not temporarily be put in love?"

"I'm not so sure you want to do that Iolaus," Hercules said.

"Why not? Your sister is always willing to help when the word love or marriage is involved," Iolaus asked.

"Yes, but my sister also doesn't like making people fall out of love just as quickly," Hercules said.

"She would do it for us Herc. A favor to her favorite brother and his roguishly handsome best friend" Iolaus said striking a pose. "Besides, I want to get turned back as quickly as I possibly can!" Iolaus said. "And to do that I would ask Ares for help if I thought he had brains enough to do anything."

"Alright, so we ask Aphrodite. I sure hope this works." Hercules said.

"It will, trust me!" Iolaus said with a grin.

"I can already see this is going to be interesting," Hercules muttered to himself.

***

"Oh Aphrodite" Iolaus called sweetly as he paced by her shrine.

"Curly!" Aphrodite exclaimed as she appeared with her glittering hearts.

"We need your help Aphrodite," Hercules said.

"Anything baby Bro, what can I do for you," Aphrodite asked grinning.

"I need to get married," Iolaus blurted out. "Think you can help?"

"Curly, that's marvelous!" Aphrodite cried.

"Not really Aphrodite. It's the only way to break the curse though. So I was you know, kinda wondering if you could do something temporary," Iolaus asked. The Goddess of Love cocked her head to the side for a minute and grinned at Iolaus.

"Only if you let me handle all the arrangements," she said happily.

"Oh what have we started?" Hercules muttered aloud.

"So who's the lucky girl or man who are you going to marry?" Aphrodite asked suddenly confused. Iolaus and Hercules exchanged looks.

"That's actually what we needed help with," Hercules said.

"I want to turn back as quickly as possible and really don't want to work on getting someone falling in love me and vice versa, and can you help?" Iolaus asked.

"Of course I can help you," Aphrodite said.

"Temporary Aphrodite," Hercules added again.

"Oh come on boys. I could find someone nice for both of you. Just a little..." Aphrodite started.

"No, please Aphrodite," Iolaus pressed.

"Oh" she looked over at him with pleading eyes. Hercules watched the stare off in mild annoyance.

"Why don't we make it someone whom we'll all be happy to get rid of after this is over?" Hercules suggested after a minute. "Someone we can embarrass in the process."

"Like who?" the two women asked.

"What about Ares?" Hercules said. "You did say you would ask him to help Iolaus." Iolaus and Aphrodite both smiled. "Everyone knows how much he hates you" Hercules started.

"And if he's blind with love he wouldn't even recognize you!" Aphrodite finished.

"The vows get said, your spell is lifted and he's face to face with me," Iolaus laughed. "He'd be the laughing stock of Olympus!"

"That's a great idea Hercules! It's obvious us blondes were endowed with the brains!" Aphrodite said.

"So how do we find Ares?" Iolaus asked.

"I have an idea. Aphrodite, go on over to one of Ares' temples and wait for us," Hercules said.

***

"Hey Ares! We need to talk!" Hercules yelled as he threw a boulder at the shrine, shattering the statue.

"That was the wrong way to get my attention Little Brother," Ares said hatefully from beside him.

"Aphrodite!" Hercules shouted. Out of no where Ares was blasted with a shower of floating hearts. Ares stopped and shook his head, wondering what hit him as Iolaus stepped out into the clearing.

Ares stared adoringly at the short blonde standing confidently. But as Ares started towards Iolaus, his confidence started to fade.

"I love you" Ares confessed as he fell to his knees, taking Iolaus's hand and kissing it adoringly.

"I think I'm going to be ill," Iolaus said looking down at the groveling God of War.

"It's only for a little while Iolaus," Hercules pointed out.

"He's going to be mad when this is over," Iolaus said trying to pull his hand away.

"Nothing we can't handle," Hercules said.
Ares, who was completely oblivious to Hercules, Aphrodite, or the conversation going on around them, stood up wrapped his arms around Iolaus, lifting him into the air.

"I've spent my entire life searching for you!" Ares said.

"That's nice, uh huh, could you put me down please?" Iolaus asked. Ares complied and took both of his hands.

"Tell me you'll marry me," Ares demanded.

"Of course, Ares," Iolaus said with a malicious grin.

"Perfect!" Ares exclaimed and kissed him. Hercules and Aphrodite both busted out laughing as Iolaus struggled to get out of Ares' grasp. Ares ended the kiss and dragged a gagging Iolaus away by the wrist.

"I can see it know," Ares spread his free hand out as if showing Iolaus his vision. "You and me at the alter. I dressed as I am now of course and you in a cute black leather number that I have reserved for the occasion" Ares trailed off with Iolaus in tow.

"Uh, guys you can help me with this you know," Iolaus yelled behind to Hercules and Aphrodite.

"Go on, you're doing fine," Hercules said.

"That's so well that's actually kinda disgusting, but sorta sweet, in a morbid, twisted. Oh poor Curly," Aphrodite said sadly.

"You're right, we'd better make sure Ares keeps his hands to himself," Hercules said.


Later...

"What the this can't be happening!" Discord screeched as she peered through Ares looking glass. She glared angrily at the short, blonde pebble that always ended up in her boot.

Iolaus was wearing a tight black leather corset over a long, almost sheer dress. Lucky for him Ares was too blinded to realize he had his usual leather pants and boots on under the dress.

The pair were at the altar, Ares getting ready to say his "I do". Discord screamed and vanished. She reappeared two seconds too late.

"I do," Ares sneered, he stopped and shook his head. He heard a scream from the somewhere in the crowed that had gathered. He saw a very angry Discord glaring at him and his new "bride?"

Ares snapped his head back and saw the one thing he hated more than his goody-to-shoes brother. His diminutive, blond sidekick.

"Hiya hunny!" Iolaus said with a smile and a wink. The small crowed, that Ares just realized was a group of various mortals and gods, were snickering and laughing.

"Why you!" Ares screamed as he lunged for the blonde hunter. Iolaus ducked and rolled off the small stage that had been set up. "I'm going to kill you!" Ares yelled.

"You have to catch me first," Iolaus taunted as he undid the corset and pulled that and the dress off.

"Here you go Iolaus," Hercules said handing him his shirt.

"Thanks buddy. You have no idea how good it feels to be back to my old self," Iolaus said.

"You idiots!" Discord screeched as she vanished.

"I'm not through with you!" Ares yelled.

"Yeah, we haven't had our honeymoon yet," Iolaus mocked. Ares retreated to his palace.

"Discord!" he hollered.

"Hi, uh, Ares," Discord said sheepishly as she came out.

"What have you done?" Ares demanded.

"Well, I actually had an entire plan worked out, but, it didn't work," Discord said, wringing her hands.

"Really, it didn't work. THAT'S AN UNDERSTATEMENT!" Ares roared.

"Well it would have, but they had to get help from that annoying ditz Aphrodite!" Discord said. "It would have been perfect. Hercules and his insignificant other would have become the perfect target of ridicule."

"Yet you forget they're smarter than you are! How many times have I told you, you do what I tell you to do! I placed you at my right side because you were too incompetent to take charge of something!" Ares shoved a finger in her face.

"Excuse me! I was doing this for you! It's not my fault you're weak enough to fall under Aphrodite's spell!" Discord pointed out.

"Weak?!" Ares cried in disbelief.

***

"Well, I don't think we'll be hearing too much from Discord for a while," Aphrodite said with a grin.

"Thank you Aphrodite, we couldn't have done this without you," Iolaus said.

"Anytime," she said with a grin. "Now are you sure you don't want me to set you two up with some nice girls?"

"Yes!" both men replied quickly.

"Alright, have it your way. But you owe me now," Aphrodite reminded them.

"Put it on our tab," Hercules said.

"I'd better be going. There are people I have to make happy," Aphrodite said hugging each of them.

"Bye Aphrodite," Iolaus said.

"Bye Curly!" she said and vanished.

"You have a very interesting family Hercules," Iolaus said with a laugh.

"Yeah, and your part of it now," Hercules said with an evil grin.

"Huh?" Iolaus asked confused.

"Well, by all rights you're married to Ares now" Hercules pointed out.

"Oh no!" Iolaus yelled.

"Come on... brother," Hercules laughed as he walked away.